Teacher to Santa " Where were U born?
Santa : In Tiruvanantapuram.
Teacher : Spell it?
Santa : (after thinking) I think I was born in GOA.
===============================
Santa : People consider me as a "GOD"
Banta : How do you know??
Santa : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD ! U have came again..
===========================================
Santa complained 2 Police : Sir all items are missing, except the TV in my house.
Police : How the theif did not take TV???
Santa : I was watching TV na....
========================================
Thought for the Day!!!
If you call your mother as MUM.. What will you call Mother's younger sis and elder sis?
Answer : MINIMUM & MAXIMUM
=========================================
Do you know the similarity between "Dinasaurs" & "Decent Girls"
Answer: Both dont exist on earth !!!
=============================================
When do you congratulate someone for their Mistake?
Answer : On their Wedding !!
Monday, September 3, 2007
Weakness is Strength
A 10-year-old boy decided to study judo despite the fact that he had lost his left arm in a devastating car accident. The boy began lessons with an old Japanese judo master. The boy was doing well, so he couldn't understand why, after three months of training the master had taught him only one move .
"Sensei,"(Teacher in Japanese) the boy finally said, "Shouldn't I be learning more moves?" This is the only move you know, but this is the only move you'll ever need to know," the sensei replied. Not quite understanding, but believing in his teacher, the boy kept training.
Several months later, the sensei took the boy to his first tournament. Surprising himself, the boy easily won his first two matches. The third match proved to be more difficult, but after some time, his opponent became impatient and charged; the boy deftly used his one move to win the match. Still amazed by his success, the boy was now in the finals.
This time, his opponent was bigger, stronger, and more experienced. For a while, the boy appeared to be overmatched. Concerned that the boy might get hurt, the referee called a time-out. He was about to stop the match when the sensei intervened.
"No," the sensei insisted, "Let him continue." Soon after the match resumed, his opponent made a critical mistake: he dropped his guard. Instantly, the boy used his move to pin him. The boy had won the match and the tournament.
He was the champion. On the way home, the boy and sensei reviewed every move in each and every match.
Then the boy summoned the courage to ask what was really on his mind.
"Sensei, how did I win the tournament with only one move?"
"You won for two reasons," the sensei answered. "First, you've almost mastered one of the most difficult throws in all of judo.
And second, the only known defense for that move is for your opponent to grab your left arm."
The boy's biggest weakness had become his biggest strength.
Each of us is special and important, so never think you have any weakness, and never think of pride or pain.
"Sensei,"(Teacher in Japanese) the boy finally said, "Shouldn't I be learning more moves?" This is the only move you know, but this is the only move you'll ever need to know," the sensei replied. Not quite understanding, but believing in his teacher, the boy kept training.
Several months later, the sensei took the boy to his first tournament. Surprising himself, the boy easily won his first two matches. The third match proved to be more difficult, but after some time, his opponent became impatient and charged; the boy deftly used his one move to win the match. Still amazed by his success, the boy was now in the finals.
This time, his opponent was bigger, stronger, and more experienced. For a while, the boy appeared to be overmatched. Concerned that the boy might get hurt, the referee called a time-out. He was about to stop the match when the sensei intervened.
"No," the sensei insisted, "Let him continue." Soon after the match resumed, his opponent made a critical mistake: he dropped his guard. Instantly, the boy used his move to pin him. The boy had won the match and the tournament.
He was the champion. On the way home, the boy and sensei reviewed every move in each and every match.
Then the boy summoned the courage to ask what was really on his mind.
"Sensei, how did I win the tournament with only one move?"
"You won for two reasons," the sensei answered. "First, you've almost mastered one of the most difficult throws in all of judo.
And second, the only known defense for that move is for your opponent to grab your left arm."
The boy's biggest weakness had become his biggest strength.
Each of us is special and important, so never think you have any weakness, and never think of pride or pain.
check it out what happens if.....
A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife.
However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, and without
realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile....Somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral.
The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends.
After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into
the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen
which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Reached
Date: 28 July, 2006
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here, and
we are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones. I've just reached and have
been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival
tomorrow.
Looking forward to seeing you TOMORROW!
Your loving Hubby........
However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, and without
realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile....Somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral.
The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends.
After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into
the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen
which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Reached
Date: 28 July, 2006
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here, and
we are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones. I've just reached and have
been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival
tomorrow.
Looking forward to seeing you TOMORROW!
Your loving Hubby........
Corporate language
1."We will do it" means "You will do it"
2."You have done a great job" means "More work to be given to you"
3."We are working on it" means "We have not yet started working on the same"
4."Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means "Its not getting done "At least not tomorrow!"
5."After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views" means "I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"
6."There was a slight miscommunication" means "We had actually lied"
7."Lets call a meeting and discuss" means "I have no time now, will talk later"
8."We can always do it" means "We actually cannot do the same on time"
9."We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline" means "The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."
10."We had slight differences of opinion "means "We had actually fought"
11."Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you" means "Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"
12."You should have told me earlier" means "Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"
13."We need to find out the real reason" means "Well I will tell you where your fault is"
14."Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected," means, "Well you know..."
15."We are a team," means, "I am not the only one to be blamed"
16."That's actually a good question" means "I do not know anything about it"
17."All the Best" means "You are in trouble"
2."You have done a great job" means "More work to be given to you"
3."We are working on it" means "We have not yet started working on the same"
4."Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means "Its not getting done "At least not tomorrow!"
5."After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views" means "I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"
6."There was a slight miscommunication" means "We had actually lied"
7."Lets call a meeting and discuss" means "I have no time now, will talk later"
8."We can always do it" means "We actually cannot do the same on time"
9."We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline" means "The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."
10."We had slight differences of opinion "means "We had actually fought"
11."Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you" means "Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"
12."You should have told me earlier" means "Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"
13."We need to find out the real reason" means "Well I will tell you where your fault is"
14."Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected," means, "Well you know..."
15."We are a team," means, "I am not the only one to be blamed"
16."That's actually a good question" means "I do not know anything about it"
17."All the Best" means "You are in trouble"
Fun Time
1. The maker doesn't want it; the buyer doesn't use it; and the user doesn't even see it. What is it?
Answer: Coffin
2. There is one word in the English language that is always pronounced incorrectly. What is it?
Answer:incorrectly
3.What is it that goes up and goes down but does not move?
Answer:Temperature
4. Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain on Earth?
Answer:Mount Everest
5.What is one thing that all wise men, regardless of their religion or politics, agree is between heaven and earth?
Answer:The word "and."
6.How could you rearrange the letters in the words "new door" to make one word? Note: There is only one correct answer.
Answer:"new door" = "one word"
7. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg *are* white" or "The yolk of the egg *is* white"?
Answer:..Neither, the yolk of the egg is yellow.
Answer: Coffin
2. There is one word in the English language that is always pronounced incorrectly. What is it?
Answer:incorrectly
3.What is it that goes up and goes down but does not move?
Answer:Temperature
4. Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain on Earth?
Answer:Mount Everest
5.What is one thing that all wise men, regardless of their religion or politics, agree is between heaven and earth?
Answer:The word "and."
6.How could you rearrange the letters in the words "new door" to make one word? Note: There is only one correct answer.
Answer:"new door" = "one word"
7. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg *are* white" or "The yolk of the egg *is* white"?
Answer:..Neither, the yolk of the egg is yellow.
Monday, January 8, 2007
Humour
A Chinese pair accidentally had twins without getting married, Guess
what they named them... Jo Hua, So Hua.
*******************************************************************
Wife : Honey ..... What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an
hour ..?? Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.
*******************************************************************
2 Dost Suicide karne gae, Pahala : "Hey Bhagwan muje dunia ki saari
nafrat de Pareshani de Duk de!" Dusra dost : "Abe tu maut maang raha
hai ki Reliance mai Job.
*******************************************************************
Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other
ensures U
Continue to do so.
*******************************************************************
How can a Sardar Kill a Lion ? Sardarji thinks N thinks hard &
comes to a conclusion: I'll drink poison n let lion eat me. O' bolo
ta ra ra.
*******************************************************************
Sardar to his friend "I kiss my Wife everyday before leaving for
Office, what about you?"
Friend : Me too, after you leave.
*******************************************************************
Sardar : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying.... When a
Person asked what he was doing.... He replied... Oye!! Higher
Studies
Yaar...!!!
*******************************************************************
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
*******************************************************************
what they named them... Jo Hua, So Hua.
*******************************************************************
Wife : Honey ..... What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an
hour ..?? Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.
*******************************************************************
2 Dost Suicide karne gae, Pahala : "Hey Bhagwan muje dunia ki saari
nafrat de Pareshani de Duk de!" Dusra dost : "Abe tu maut maang raha
hai ki Reliance mai Job.
*******************************************************************
Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other
ensures U
Continue to do so.
*******************************************************************
How can a Sardar Kill a Lion ? Sardarji thinks N thinks hard &
comes to a conclusion: I'll drink poison n let lion eat me. O' bolo
ta ra ra.
*******************************************************************
Sardar to his friend "I kiss my Wife everyday before leaving for
Office, what about you?"
Friend : Me too, after you leave.
*******************************************************************
Sardar : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying.... When a
Person asked what he was doing.... He replied... Oye!! Higher
Studies
Yaar...!!!
*******************************************************************
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
*******************************************************************
Banta singh's letter to bill gates
Dear Mr Bill Gates,
This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought a computer for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
1. After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account and whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, only ****** appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed appears, but we face this problem only in password field. We checked with hardware vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in keyboard.
Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****.
I request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what the password is.
2. We are unable to enter anything after we click the 'shut down ' button.
3. There is a button 'start' but there is no "stop" button. We request you to check this.
4. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friend clicked 'run ' has ran upto Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to "sit", so that we can click that by sitting.
5. One doubt is that any 're-scooter' available in system? As I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
6. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot for tracing the key with this ' find', but unable to trace. Is it a bug??
7. Every night I am not sleeping as i have to protect my 'mouse' from CAT, So i suggest u to provide one DOG to kill that cat.
8. Please confirm when u are going to give me money for winning 'HEARTS' (playing cards in games) and when are u coming to my home to collect ur money.
9. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when u will provide that?
10. Hey, I brought computer, cpu, mouse and keypad there is only one icon with 'MY Computer', where is remaining ?
11. Are to kamal hi aap bole raha hi ki 'MY Pictures' there is not even single photo of mine, So when u will keep my photo in that.
12. There is 'Startup' when u will provide 'Enddown'.
13. is that 'NOTEPEN' available in system? As I find only 'NOTEPAD' , tell me fast as I lost me PEN.
14. there is 'Winzip' what about 'Lossopen'.
15. There is 'WIN AMP' what about 'Win VOLT ', 'WinRESISTANCE '.
16. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME'
This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought a computer for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
1. After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account and whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, only ****** appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed appears, but we face this problem only in password field. We checked with hardware vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in keyboard.
Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****.
I request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what the password is.
2. We are unable to enter anything after we click the 'shut down ' button.
3. There is a button 'start' but there is no "stop" button. We request you to check this.
4. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friend clicked 'run ' has ran upto Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to "sit", so that we can click that by sitting.
5. One doubt is that any 're-scooter' available in system? As I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
6. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot for tracing the key with this ' find', but unable to trace. Is it a bug??
7. Every night I am not sleeping as i have to protect my 'mouse' from CAT, So i suggest u to provide one DOG to kill that cat.
8. Please confirm when u are going to give me money for winning 'HEARTS' (playing cards in games) and when are u coming to my home to collect ur money.
9. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when u will provide that?
10. Hey, I brought computer, cpu, mouse and keypad there is only one icon with 'MY Computer', where is remaining ?
11. Are to kamal hi aap bole raha hi ki 'MY Pictures' there is not even single photo of mine, So when u will keep my photo in that.
12. There is 'Startup' when u will provide 'Enddown'.
13. is that 'NOTEPEN' available in system? As I find only 'NOTEPAD' , tell me fast as I lost me PEN.
14. there is 'Winzip' what about 'Lossopen'.
15. There is 'WIN AMP' what about 'Win VOLT ', 'WinRESISTANCE '.
16. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME'
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